on a lighter note...

the rain has cleared, literally and figuratively.
the last post was harsh...
...i guess i just had to get that off my chest.
yet, for some reason, i feel like i'm the "bad guy",
as if i did something wrong by simply not speaking
and keeping to myself.

i do as i please and if people don't see it fit,
i could care less.

i've gone my whole life with this mentality,
not the "i don't give a fuck" type (you know the
kind, the ones who just do it for attention), it's
more of a "i see things differently, and that's how
it is". i have my views but i am always willing to see both sides,
maybe even with effort and time be convinced onto that side.
and for that, i'm a happy person, an optimist.
for some reason, in the wreckage and downfall,
i can see some sort of beauty in things.

the anchors
they symbolize stability in a chaotic world.
and that's exactly how i feel about things.
it's a permanent mind set.
that's why i have them on my body- to remind me...

random thoughts...

to whom it may concern- (no names are mentioned).

this is not a hiatus, but a permanent revolution.
fighting fire with fire, because i'm confused/angry & i have
a reason to now be in the state i'm in.
when i used to absorb and sit back and watch.
they became too free, saw the opportunities and
took advantage of the situation.

i am not a doormat.

but it gets worse...
she who is blinded to my being.
did i really have to put up the
"no trespassers" sign in order for her
to get the point. as she sneakily hopped the fence?
or did she not feel any remorse?

and it should always go without saying,
if you have to question it...

furthermore, don't mistake my kindness for ignorance.
waking up on my off weekends to help open a store
or using my gas to go back & forth to anywhere- is an example of
me not being a "good friend".
however, making sure not to see someone off for a 2 week tour who
had also asked to do laundry a week prior EVERYDAY until the day of,
is a great example of being a GOOD friend. that was the most important
thing to me, and she couldn't see me thru. blew me off to be with some guy, to bowl.
some of my clothes were still wet.
and that was strike (1).

saying she was out of town while getting my
first tattoo is what the whole day was revolved on.
but she decided to invite others, and then ended up not
going after our litte dispute. had that one person who was there
hadn't shown up, i would've been alone. and who is she again
to say how many people i think I should invite for what i thought,
was a a monumental moment of importance? i'll invite 100 if i want.
now tell me once more how can she say she was out of town within 30 mins?
strike (2).

that degree of secrecy has now come.
have you seen any good movies lately?
or did you fail to say that in some conversations we
had while you were smiling in my face all week, like a snake, after i
had thought we resolved this. yet, she babbles on
at work about this guy.
that guy...
strike (3).

(1)(2)(3) out.
so now maybe he can help you, like a bad friend's supposed to?

this is my farewell letter, since she thinks one is more important then the
other. even after giving her another chance. what she should of done was walked
away from that very thing. instead she continued into her independent streak, or
"i'll do what i want" demeanor. consequently, resulting loss.

-sincerely, mj.